The Camp Vamp: Katrina Fox

Commentary on GLBTIQ issues, social justice and some of life's quirks.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Time to adopt

Adoption is a noble thing. While many people are rushing to bring new life into the world (human or animal), there are countless babies, children, cats and dogs desperate for a loving home. I guess I got lucky. There was no IVF around for infertile couples when I was young, so instead of languishing in a children's home, I was adopted as a baby, after my birth mother decided she couldn't cope with bringing up another child (she already had two) on her own, and abortion was still illegal by one year in the UK.

I was taken in by a working-class couple in a small town just over an hour outside London, who, along with a generous helping of dysfunction, provided me with one absolutely wonderful gift: a portable black and white television for my bedroom. This allowed me to immerse myself in old Hollywood movies on Saturday afternoons (who needs friends anyway?) and late at night. Looking back, I wouldn't have swapped those warm and fuzzy feelings I got pretending Elizabeth Taylor was my real mother for the chance to stay with my birth mother. Plain secretary in the east end of London, or glamorous movie star? No contest.

As I got older, however, I wanted Liz to fuck me. It gives the term 'Mommie Dearest' a whole new meaning, n'est-ce-pas? Now, imagine having sex (as an adult) with your mum or dad. Go on, go to a dark place, just for a second or two. How does it make you feel? Disgusting? Sick? Uncomfortable? It doesn't have to be that way. Get your girlfriend or boyfriend to adopt you, and you can legally get it on with your newly adoptive 'mother' or 'father'.

This is the innovative tactic employed by Olive Watson 15 years ago in pre-civil union USA. Olive adopted her lover, Patricia Spado, to ensure she would be provided for in the event of her death. Under the law in Maine, where the adoption took place, Olive became Patricia's mother, even though she was a year younger than her, effectively making Patricia her father's 19th grandchild and therefore a beneficiary to his estate. However, fickle creatures that lesbians are, the gals split up just a year after the adoption took place, and now the family of Thomas J. Watson - the man who built IBM into an international computer empire - is disputing Patricia's right to any share in his multi-million dollar trust fund.

Well, you've got to admire Olive's creativity. John Howard seems determined not to grant us the same rights as our heterosexual counterparts nor to allow queer couples to adopt children (so far we are thankfully still deemed suitable to raise and care for canine and feline members of society), so perhaps we should start lodging applications to adopt each other. Not only will we be safeguarded from a legal point of view, but think how much fun it will be to have 'mummy' or 'daddy' punish you for misbehaving this time around...

2 Comments:

  • At 10:09 PM, Blogger bernard said…

    Ah Katrina; pleased I found your blog! If I was a girl I'd love to be adopted by you; or vice versa!

    I wonder if the purveyors of fine love letters at http://www.au.lastminute.com/lmn/pso/catalog/Product.jhtml?CATID=867&PRODID=446638795 have a suitable template for asking a fabulously well read and written dykon to adopt the (alleged) writer...

    Bernard

     
  • At 2:29 PM, Blogger Katrina Fox said…

    Oh my god, that's too funny, Bernard - getting someone else (a company no less!) to write your love letters - eeeek!

    Thanks for stopping by the blog :)

    Katrina x

     

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