The Camp Vamp: Katrina Fox

Commentary on GLBTIQ issues, social justice and some of life's quirks.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Why we need Queer Camps

Jesus Camp is one very scary documentary currently screening across the US, which shows kids as young as six being trained to be “warriors in God’s army” at pastor Becky Fischer’s summer camp in North Dakota, called Kids on Fire. Forget fun activities such as communal ball games, at
‘Jesus Camp’ the kids, who are mostly home-schooled and taught not to believe in evolution or global warming, speak in tongues, writhe on the floor, weep for salvation, and pray to pictures of George Bush (told you it was scary). It’s part of an Evangelical youth movement sweeping the US which sees Fischer say in the movie: “I want to see [the children] radically laying down their lives for their gospel as they are in Pakistan, Israel and Palestine.” A voice on the movie’s trailer proclaims that the fundamentalist Evangelicals have “taken over the White House and Congress”, before Fischer issues her own chilling warning: “This is just the tip of the iceberg.”

Now see, this is why we need a radical queer agenda, people. It’s time to start training and indoctrinating our youth. It’s the only way – we’ve got the Exclusive Brethren right on our doorsteps to contend with, influencing elections with their anti-gay agenda. It’s time to set up Queer Camps in which all children of GLBTI folk, regardless of sex or gender identity, shall learn off by heart and recite at will the lyrics to every song by Cher and k.d lang. Camp leaders will know they are doing their jobs properly when each child is writhing on the floor, weeping and speaking in tongues, whenever ‘Believe’ or ‘Constant Craving’ is played. Praying to pictures of Ellen Degeneres is to be encouraged (the Emmys under her belt, she’s now to host the Oscars – who needs God with that kind of power?), as is substituting the word ‘lezzo’ (or ‘poof’, ‘trannie’ or any other word the child feels best describes their identity or sexual orientation at any given time) into Helen Reddy’s feminist anthem ‘I Am Woman’.

Once Queer Basics 101 has been instilled into the young warriors, they are then free to embrace diversity, whether it be adding death metal to their musical tastes or engaging in heterosexual activities. All Queer Camp attendees must, however, pledge to further the queer agenda and lifestyle for the rest of their lives. This includes but is not limited to preaching outside straight venues and making spin-offs to Will & Grace. Now if this all sounds a bit too drastic, consider this: in Jesus Camp a girl of about eight or nine can be seen crying and wailing “no more, no more”. She is calling for an end to abortion. Fischer argues she’s teaching kids about the value of human life. In Queer Camp, we could get the kids to pray for…hmm, how about an end to right-wing, war-mongering leaders who pander to homophobic Evangelicals? Or is that just way too radical and over the top?

2 Comments:

  • At 12:05 AM, Anonymous Zane said…

    I dont know how, but I happened upon this post and wanted to say I go to queer camp.


    www.camptentrees.com

     
  • At 12:16 AM, Blogger Katrina Fox said…

    Hee hee, what a funny site. Thanks for pointing it out, Zane. Trees and lesbians...hmmm.

     

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