The Camp Vamp: Katrina Fox

Commentary on GLBTIQ issues, social justice and some of life's quirks.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Unusual sexual practices

There's nothing I like hearing more about than people's sexual habits. So in the interests of broadening my lexicon, I have been studying the Encyclopaedia of Unusual Sex Practices. Most of us will have heard of coprophilia (brown showers) or necrophilia (sex with or sexual arousal from dead bodies), but how about emetophilia (arousal from vomit or vomiting)? Or spectrophilia (arousal from sex with ghosts or spirits or images in mirrors)? Then there's symphorophilia (arousal from arranging a disaster, crash or explosion), and taphephilia (arousal from being buried alive).

Those are some of the more 'out there' practices, but even something like using food in sex play has a name - sitophilia. So if you've ever stuck a cucumber up your orifice, covered your partner in strawberry jam or given a banana a blow job, you're a sitophile. Instead of wasting oxygen using several words, I can now explain my attraction to older glamorous women by telling people I am a gerontophile (mind you, that only covers the 'older' part - how about a glamgerontophile?) Hey, who needs psychological qualifications? This is easy! Like to be watched? Congratulations - you're an agrexophile. Does your pussy pulsate at the sheer excitement of being on the crowded dance floor of your favourite queer club? You've got ochlophilia. And those of you who cut a hole in the bottom of the front of your trousers so you can masturbate in public with less risk of detection (you know you who are), are indulging in the practice known as sacofricosis.

It seems people get off on just about everything. Does booking a holiday so you can get in the car or on a plane and travel do it for you? Hodophile! Compulsive stealing is a condition in itself, but if it also turns you on, you're not only a kleptomaniac but a kleptophile. If you're mugged or arrive home to find you've been burgled and get an urge to have a wank, don't worry, you're just suffering from harpaxophilia. And, if, despite many years of practice and poring over sex manuals, you're still crap in bed, don't despair - there's hope for you yet to find true love. Just join a group for harmatophiliacs (those aroused by sexual incompetence or mistakes) and watch those multiple orgasms roll. No need to talk dirty to these folks either - the occasional 'whoops!' should be more than sufficient.

1 Comments:

  • At 2:08 AM, Anonymous Jaxxy said…

    I think a "glamgerontophile" would make you the glamorous one, and keep your lovers quite the same.
    Sort of like a "glam rock band"?
    You could just say, "I heart Cher"!
    (A Cherophile? nah, sounds like that's a fetish for cherubs... or cherries, or Chevrolets...)
    -daydreams-

    =),
    <3.

     

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