The Camp Vamp: Katrina Fox

Commentary on GLBTIQ issues, social justice and some of life's quirks.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Designer vaginas

Even the lesbians are at it now. Plastic surgery, that is. But it's not only mini-lifts, boob jobs and liposuction that are becoming more popular with previously PC sisters of Sappho. No, it seems that a bit of nip and tuck in the nether regions is now all the rage too. Procedures available include Designer Laser Vaginoplasty (DLV) which is the "aesthetic surgical enhancement of the vulvar structures" (otherwise known as chopping off bits of your downstairs lips) and even a G-spot injection. Yes, girls, you can now have collagen pumped into your fanny to plump up your hotspot and give you better orgasms.

But surely this is just for the straight girls, I hear you ask? I decided to find out and contacted Dr David Matlock of the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Los Angeles. He told me: "Lesbian women are particularly interested in our DLV procedures. The most common is laser reduction labioplasty." Why, you may wonder, would any dyke in her right mind want her pussy pulled, snipped and rearranged? Dr Matlock said it's a matter of aesthetics. "One of my lesbian patients told me, 'doctor you have to understand that we are interested in oral sex and we want things to look good.'"We know that every new trend starts in Hollywood and Dr Matlock was keen to point out that in his Beverly Hills practice, he has "a significant number of celebrities, and this includes lesbian celebrities."Naturally he wasn't giving out any names but he did mention a lesbian comedian who wanted "the little man with the oars (clitoris and labia minora) taken care of."

And while any side effects of injecting bovine collagen into your beaver are as yet unknown, don't be surprised if a new variant of BSE pops up in the future. Watch out for MCD - Mad Cunt Disease, and remember, you read it here first.


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